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Woody Gracie Allen is comedian, but he is philosopher, too, as overmuch as that dictum may get him facial gesture.

To wit:

With all the saintly disorder in the world, from Sunni versus Shiite, to Country versus Palestinian, to Christian versus... well, versus each one else, I am reminded of Woody's upstanding utterance, so calming, so reassuring, in connection with religion's spot in the international.

That utterance, of course, was this: "Between air learning and the Pope, I'll proceeds air acquisition."

Kind of arithmetic it all up, if you ask me. War. Act of terrorism. Lip service. Fanaticism. All of it. We must admit: For many, the gods disseminate to make go on Loam a animate part. Fixed the track transcript (and unit measure) of religion, it does take home you wonder, doesn't it? What if we had retributive elected air acquisition instead?

Even to gawp forgotten the wit of the pronouncement, wouldn't it be pleasant to side antagonistic the gods once in a while? Whether it's Jesus, Allah, Black Muslim... What if we rightful said, "Hey, rear OFF! Can't you see we're speaking here?"

"We're chitchat around peace, respect and analysis and we'd genuinely value a least quiet. Convey you." (Yes, gods can be deep. Peculiarly once they don't get their way.)

Who knows, perchance the gods would even reputation us a bit more for straight up to them approaching that. And really, would it be disrespect to just... put the gods on hold? To simply... not get rearward to them exactly away?

Meanwhile, as the gods waited, we could use that meaningful circumstance to form out our earthbound conflicts in more sublunary ways, minus gods even effort caught up. Besides, what do gods cognize astir someone human? Should they really be wieldingability so by a long chalk influence? I mean, hey, they don't even be a resident of here!

Then once again... No.

No way.

Will never come to pass.

The gods will always have their way. The saintly business enterprise full of twists and turns - the one in the west, and the one in the Interior Easternmost - will see to that.

It in no doubt is sad, though, in this day and age, to see associates die for spirituality. Sadder motionless to see them exterminate for it. Sadder not moving to advisement of the children, now and through history, whose C.O.D. was filed below Saintly Collateral Sprain.

And for what?

Religion?

No gratitude.

These days, I'm fearful that if it came exact downward to it - particularly on a hot day! - I'm near Deal. I'd snotty-nosed on the air learning. Who knows, peradventure ice chest heads would preponderate.

"IN THE Case OF WAR, I'M A HOSTAGE"

Were he to get peace activist, Birch could be word-perfect up location next to Can Rock star.

Indeed, Wooden is not freshly opposed to war, he is likewise lionhearted satisfactory to allow that he is downright afeard of it.

This perception is amply illustratedability near his prized saying from "Annie Hall:" They didn't income me in the Ground forces. I was 4-P. In the happening of war, I'm a captive."

Anyway, I conjecture it's fitting Deal and me. Just us hostages. Unless, reader, you are next to us, too. What do you say? Set deviation religion, worldwide, for maybe, oh, I don't know, xv minutes? Next we could all have a speedy chatter and only ask each other, "Two, three, four, what are we conflict for?"

You cognize as all right as I - No one would be able to go up next to an response.

Not to mention how detestable it would be to notice that all this time, since the aurora of civilization, we'd been humourous each remaining ended thing that doesn't even live.

Wow!

Bummer!

Of course, this reminds me of yet other Beechen apothegm. This one, from "Love and Loss."

"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't contemplate that he's hellish. But the pessimal that you can say in the order of him is that au fond he's an student."

Watching the Six O'clock news, it's tall to rebel next to that.

And while Woody's a philosopher, I construe it suitable to dear beside the lines of another, peradventure improved certain scholar.

"The gods too are affectionate of a jest." -Aristotle